Strange day today. No talking on the phone. I cannot remember when the last day was I did not hear her voice even if it was for only 1 or 2 minutes. She is in another country now, together with her husband, her son and her best girlfriend. Do I miss her? yes and no.

Yes, because I love to hear her voice, to talk to her about daily things, to talk to her about her feelings and emotions.
No, because I know she problaby has fun now. She is shopping. Buying clothes for herselve (maybe new underwear for me: lip, buying clothes for her son who will go to kindergarten next week, and buying clothes for her oldest son.

I imagine she and her friend are making jokes about the clothes, are making jokes about underwear. They look at eachother and smile if they see a nice set of underwear with some little erotic-imagination. But then again she cannot smile to loudly or to much, because also her husband is there, and it is not "polite" and "nice" to make jokes about underwear when the husband is present.

I sad to her: Please only buy new underwear if it is safe!

I know she will not behave like that, she will not offend her husband, So problaby when she smiles, she will only smile in her mind and think maybe about another man who will take off her new underwear, slowly and gentle and this man will gentle put the underwear aside and then he will start to caress the uncovered bodyparts that appear after the underwear has been taking off. Oi, Oi, Oi, how much this man waits .... 30.

So, today no waiting for calls, no waiting for mm (it is to expensive to go on the internet abroad), only maybe a small sms will come in during the day.

Tomorrow (wednesday) I will problaby talk to her again.

Also I will receive my new passport on wednesday and then I will immidiately apply for the visa so we can meet again on .... 30.

Meanwhile at home, already many weeks without s.. My girlfriend (we are not married) not asks. She still has holiday for another 3 weeks, and goes to bed late. I go to bed earlier, I am tired (normally a womens excuse) and I will be sleeping when she comes upstairs.

It is difficult for me to have s.. with my girlfriend. I do not want it. Even before I met HER we did not have s.. often. I am just not attracted to my girlfriend anymore for many years. I cannot behave as animal. Having sex is for me to intimate, to personal to do it as animal.

And when I met HER last year, and we not have real intercourse the first time we were naked together, it was no problem for me. It was not my main goal to have intercourse. At this first time we were both naked and we started to kiss as animals (yes it was as animals), the atmosphere slowly changed to tender touching and caressing eachother and the "animal instinct" was gone already, and maybe therefore my feeling from the beginning with her was a pleasure feeling and not an ordinary "sex as animal" feeling.

Intercourse you have with a person you love, and I have never had intercourse as animal. Yes, of course when I was young I did have intercourse for fun, but the last 20 years I never had intercourse as animal. It is just not "me". I am not like that. It is not my attitude.

When I met her, and she told me from which country she came, I had this prejudgement about sex and the attitude of the people from her country. I tried to tell her that for me the attitude is different. It is not necessary / normal to have sex with people when you go out alone to a bar. She once told me that in her country, when men go out to a bar (without their wife), it almost automatically means the men will also have sex with another woman. I simply did not understand this attitude.

Slowly and patiently I have tried to convince her that I not like this attitude at all, that I even sometimes have to throw-up if I think about it. And she slowly started to understand me. I must say that her attitude is not "bad" about sex. I mean to say: her attitude is not to have sex with other men only because you are as animal.

I try to make her realise that making love is different then having sex. With her I have made already many times true and honest love. Yes, also one or two times we behaved together as animals, especially the first time we saw eachother after long time, but the days to follow we only made true and honest love in which we both have no complexes. We ask eachother what we want, and what we not want, and we also ask eachother what we like and not like. Which bodypart you want me to touch, which position do you like. Only by communicating we will survive and keep the love alive.

This is the most important thing between her and me. We communicate very very well. About all things in life. And if we not agree with eachother or if we misunderstand eachother, or if we not like something about eachother, we immidiately say it. If you not do that, if you not say it immidiately, then slowly very slowly the misunderstandings will grow and grow till there is no way back anymore.

I will prevent that to happen, and she has the same attitude.

How I love this woman, and how I wait the day that she will be my wife and wake-up next to me everyday with her beautiful smile, her beautiful lips, her beautiful nose and her bright beautiful eyes.

We will drink tea or coffee then, together each morning, oi, oi, oi ,..........