Записи с темой: personal (список заголовков)

48 hours.......

Only 48 hours from now.................

@темы: Love, Personal


Today is the first day of a new life............

Today is the first day of a new life ...........

Many insecurities ..............

How will he react .............

What will he do ............


How good I will sleep ............

How easy I will wake-up .................

How nice to have only 1 alarm ............

I do not know what will be in the next months. I know she will be more quiet during the days. Spend more time with children during the days .............

And then reality will come back again ............

What will be her next steps ..............

What will be her next purpose ............

What will be her next important decision ...........

How I support and love her, and how I wish all will be as she wishes ...............

Go on my Rose, speed is not important, only the result is!

@темы: Love, Personal


Why is it always the people that you love..........

Why is it always the people that you love that experience "tragedy" in their lives.

Let me explain.
I have a friend, he is 61 years old. He is a real friend. The word friend I not use often, it is special. It has nothing to do with love, it is friendship. Undefinied, no complexes and unconditional.

About 1 year ago they diagnosed cancer. His world fall apart. he is a healthy man. Play tennis 3 to 4 times a week. Sold his company, no need to work, only enjoy the pleasure things in life. Became a granddaddy, proud of his grandchildren, and then ........

Chemotherapie followed, destroyed his legs. He could hardly walk after the treatment. But he is purely optimistic person. He fought back, could walk again, could ride bycicle again, and even we played tennis together at the end of july.

It was a little miracle, no it was a big miracle. I go on holiday, and was busy. Busy with my private life, and busy with my business life. Did not talk to him for 4 weeks. Monday I spoke to his daughter at the tennis-club. She told me the cancer came back. Her father in despair, totally depressed, frightened, what will be.

This morning I visited him, apoligized for the long time of no contact, he said: no problem. I said: it is problem. I am busy, very busy, but it does not give me the right not to call you to ask how you are. We talked. Monday he will go into the scan again and friday sept 11th. he will get the result.

And both he and I are prepared to the worst-case-scenario.............

Yesterday she sends sms to me:
U-fff... All is good. We are in the policlinic now. Because this woman said in the end that my son has problems with renales (I don't know how to say in English, it is latyn). And I also have problems! I never had before! I am not believe, but I want to check. Have a nice evening. I love you.

I replied immidieately: please inform me about your problems and if all is oké. It was 17.45 my time. No reply, no sms. I worried. Is she still in the policlinic? Did the docter find something bad?

Called to her girlfriend 2 times. Finally her girlfriend send sms to me that all is oké (21.18).

I had to wait 3,5 hours for an answer.

Is it so strange that I worry...........?

@темы: Love, Personal



There are no words at this moment to explain what is going on in my mind .............

@музыка: can't fight this feeling - REO Speedwagon / Christopher Cross - Theme from New York

@темы: Personal


Many ways to wake-up, but this one is nice.....

There are many ways to wake-up, but this one is nice, very nice.

I cannot live without you...I very much miss you.. I love you... Goodmorning, my LOVE.

@темы: Love, Personal


Something interesting did happen......

I wrote in my previous blog that I would return if something interesting would happen today.

So, I am back because something interesting happened today in the afternoon.

It lasted 1 hour and 38 minutes, my God how interesting it was................!!!!

@темы: Personal, Love


What shall I write.............

What shall I write?

I do not know. I not have any new ideas. I did not have any reply on my logistic-questions, nobody wants to help me (ha ha). No, it is just that I not have anything specific to write about.

Of course, my schedule for my trips is almost finished. I will leave for China on friday sept 11th. Will work with my customer 4 days. Then will stay another 4 days in the office and I will fly back on monday sept. 21st. to my lovely country.

The second trip will be a couple of days later and this trip, of course, is on a personal level much more important. No need to explain why.

Holidays are ending, customers coming back to their offices and we are already working for spring / summer 2010 and as always we have no idea what it will be. What will we put in collection, what will we choose. All is possible in accessories. the only thing I know that we are not sure how our business will develop for the next year. Within 1 month I have to make my budget for 2010 again.

I have to make decision about one collegue to stay or to fire him. I think I will fire him. he is not sure about himselve, he shows no initiative, does not remember procedures (even when he wrote them down himselve on paper). Why waste more energy to teach him. He is working now 1 year and 3 months in our office. He is 26 years old, will turn 27 in oktober and I wonder if he even got laid (with a girl then) one time in his life. So, in my mind decision has been taken, and I only have to inform him about it. And then of course the search for a new employee. And that is maybe the most difficult part. Yes the labour-situation at this moment is "oké", but also we must to spend much much time in learning a new collegue all procedures.

And then the Rose. She is busy also today. Just receive sms from her. With her son she is doing many many plans now. Problaby she is outside to some government-office to settle some questions about her work, and I will patiently wait our talking later today, because she will call me later.

So, that's all for now, if something interesting will happen and I want to write it down in my blog I will do it.

@темы: Business, Personal


This morning 07.45

83 minutes and no silence, nothing, only talking.......

How pleasure.........

@темы: Love, Personal


Saturday, the weekend, and then.....

Saturday, start of the weekend for most people. Not for me (not for her also). I always work on the saturday-morning. It is quiet in the office. No phonecalls, not so many e-mails, can do some necessary paperwork, private work, etc etc.

I always drink coffee, read the newspaper, download some music, surf on the internet, etc. etc.

I like it, it is convenient, relaxed and quiet.

And of course, I wait her call. She called at 08.00. She was late. She told me yesterday-evening she would wake-up at 04.00 her time, but she decided to stay asleep for 2 more hours as sleep was much more needed then the work on the computer.

So, at 06.18 I received her sms. She knows that if she wakes-up at 04.00 all is quiet in the house and he will not disturb her. So, you can guess waht happened when she woke-up at 06.00. Her husband also wake-up. She asked for coffee, he prepared the tea (minor detail, does not matter). Again he tried to touch her, but of course no result ..... Annoying it is, why a man cannot understand the situation. She said me: he does not understand my actions, so he also not understand my words. It is simple.

Yes, of course it is simple, but also it is irritating, annoying, makes the atmosphere unpleasure. Why sometimes men are so stupid that they simply not understand that NO = NO and that the situation is as it is.

We talked, more then 1 hour. No moments of silence (only when we must think about answer or dig in the deep memory of our lifes). And that is what is so beautiful about our talks. Never a dull moment, never a silence (also because the noise in the bus is loud, ha, ha). Always a subject to discuss. Today we talke about the past, about history of our lifes. I mean to say, I asked and she told. And she talks quietly, with reason, with thinking, with simple and clear explanation. And I listen, patiently to her story, and sometimes ask the question. Always trying to explain how some things are in my life, or how my history was. But today she talked only about her history, we not talk about my history. Later we will do. We have so much to say to eachother that there will be no dull moment on the phone.

Now she is waiting her husband. he will come to her shop to pick her up. Fortunately her sons will also be there. it is more safe for her. In most lifes the mother protect the sons, always, it is nature. In her life also, she protects her children, but the children not know that they are also a big protection for her. They do not know it, they do not realise it. Later in many years when the sons are older, maybe she will explain to them how important they are in her life, more important then they realise now ............

I am finished with my working and writing day. I will go home now, to my children, enjoy the saturday, or what's left of it. I MUST to buy the dictionary today. The score is already 4 - 0 in favor of her. The language-battle is continueing. I am behind, I will behind, but even if I am behind her in this battle, I am ready to be in the locomotief. Fysically she will be behind me then, but in the language-battle I will always be behind.

You win honey, I accept defeat already, but I will fight, so the defeat will be small ...........

You win honey, with your voice, your smile, your eyes and your crazy-ideas. How pretty is your victory, how humble I accept defeat. How nice that the winner and looser will always be equal in the end......................

@темы: Business, Future, Personal


19.08.2009 One hour and 49 minutes on skype

Finally decided to go home yesterday around 15.00. I did not want to stay in the office. It was 32 degrees, and at home there was nobody so I could quietly work at home and wait her message.

Just 3 minutes in my old car (VW Beetle - 1973) and the phone rings. She called from skype. How are you? Where are you? I said I was on my way home, but I will be alone at home so we can quietly skype. How coincendence!!!

Arrived home connected the computer (we have wireless at home so I can sit any place I want). Then we called. She looked tired and not so happy. First she cleaned her living room, camera on, could follow every step. She showed the clothes she bought for herselve, her sons. Coat with fur, boots, yellow coat. She was happy with her new clothes.

Then we talked face to face. Of course talked about the situation at home. Difficult, still. Husband still not understand what the attitude is. Still trying to touch her when she insists she NOT want. It makes her nervous, not relaxed and I can see it in her eyes. Disagreement about champaign, how much, when and with whom to drink.

Son arrives at home. She closes the door to the living room, son must wait in his room/the hall (ha ha, good solution), so we can quietly say goodbye to eachother. We wish eachother good evening, already goodnight also, just in case.....

20.40 She sends sms with her new phonenbr. I call her back, I am still alone. Talk little, she is happy. Best friend comes in the car with sons. It is funny, friend knows all (and supports), but children not know, so I ask question and say words and she only say Da Da Da. I know this situation. It is funny. We both know how to play the game. Finally: Paka Paka.

Mind at rest, relaxed for the evening and wait her next call. Now she can send sms anytime she wants, no need to be afraid the company (or husband) can check the record. The world becomes a little bit smaller and more open for us now.

At night fall asleep, difficult to get to sleep, temperature is high. To high to sleep and much to high for.....!

02.00 Vibrating phone, sms, go downstairs, from her, it is safe to reply. I do, small reply, with all feeling in it. She problaby continus to sleep quietly and I, I go upstairs, look at my girlfriend who sleeps, and I think...............

What do I think................?

@темы: Personal


I miss you.........

I miss you........

I wait your voice........

@темы: Love, Personal, Thoughts Aloud


A day without her voice (2)

It is simply not pleasure.

@темы: Thoughts Aloud, Personal, Love


A day without her voice

Strange day today. No talking on the phone. I cannot remember when the last day was I did not hear her voice even if it was for only 1 or 2 minutes. She is in another country now, together with her husband, her son and her best girlfriend. Do I miss her? yes and no.

Yes, because I love to hear her voice, to talk to her about daily things, to talk to her about her feelings and emotions.
No, because I know she problaby has fun now. She is shopping. Buying clothes for herselve (maybe new underwear for me: lip:), buying clothes for her son who will go to kindergarten next week, and buying clothes for her oldest son.

I imagine she and her friend are making jokes about the clothes, are making jokes about underwear. They look at eachother and smile if they see a nice set of underwear with some little erotic-imagination. But then again she cannot smile to loudly or to much, because also her husband is there, and it is not "polite" and "nice" to make jokes about underwear when the husband is present.

I sad to her: Please only buy new underwear if it is safe!

I know she will not behave like that, she will not offend her husband, So problaby when she smiles, she will only smile in her mind and think maybe about another man who will take off her new underwear, slowly and gentle and this man will gentle put the underwear aside and then he will start to caress the uncovered bodyparts that appear after the underwear has been taking off. Oi, Oi, Oi, how much this man waits .... 30.

So, today no waiting for calls, no waiting for mm (it is to expensive to go on the internet abroad), only maybe a small sms will come in during the day.

Tomorrow (wednesday) I will problaby talk to her again.

Also I will receive my new passport on wednesday and then I will immidiately apply for the visa so we can meet again on .... 30.

Meanwhile at home, already many weeks without s.. My girlfriend (we are not married) not asks. She still has holiday for another 3 weeks, and goes to bed late. I go to bed earlier, I am tired (normally a womens excuse) and I will be sleeping when she comes upstairs.

It is difficult for me to have s.. with my girlfriend. I do not want it. Even before I met HER we did not have s.. often. I am just not attracted to my girlfriend anymore for many years. I cannot behave as animal. Having sex is for me to intimate, to personal to do it as animal.

And when I met HER last year, and we not have real intercourse the first time we were naked together, it was no problem for me. It was not my main goal to have intercourse. At this first time we were both naked and we started to kiss as animals (yes it was as animals), the atmosphere slowly changed to tender touching and caressing eachother and the "animal instinct" was gone already, and maybe therefore my feeling from the beginning with her was a pleasure feeling and not an ordinary "sex as animal" feeling.

Intercourse you have with a person you love, and I have never had intercourse as animal. Yes, of course when I was young I did have intercourse for fun, but the last 20 years I never had intercourse as animal. It is just not "me". I am not like that. It is not my attitude.

When I met her, and she told me from which country she came, I had this prejudgement about sex and the attitude of the people from her country. I tried to tell her that for me the attitude is different. It is not necessary / normal to have sex with people when you go out alone to a bar. She once told me that in her country, when men go out to a bar (without their wife), it almost automatically means the men will also have sex with another woman. I simply did not understand this attitude.

Slowly and patiently I have tried to convince her that I not like this attitude at all, that I even sometimes have to throw-up if I think about it. And she slowly started to understand me. I must say that her attitude is not "bad" about sex. I mean to say: her attitude is not to have sex with other men only because you are as animal.

I try to make her realise that making love is different then having sex. With her I have made already many times true and honest love. Yes, also one or two times we behaved together as animals, especially the first time we saw eachother after long time, but the days to follow we only made true and honest love in which we both have no complexes. We ask eachother what we want, and what we not want, and we also ask eachother what we like and not like. Which bodypart you want me to touch, which position do you like. Only by communicating we will survive and keep the love alive.

This is the most important thing between her and me. We communicate very very well. About all things in life. And if we not agree with eachother or if we misunderstand eachother, or if we not like something about eachother, we immidiately say it. If you not do that, if you not say it immidiately, then slowly very slowly the misunderstandings will grow and grow till there is no way back anymore.

I will prevent that to happen, and she has the same attitude.

How I love this woman, and how I wait the day that she will be my wife and wake-up next to me everyday with her beautiful smile, her beautiful lips, her beautiful nose and her bright beautiful eyes.

We will drink tea or coffee then, together each morning, oi, oi, oi ,.......... :love:

@темы: Love, Personal, Thoughts Aloud


We saw eachother on Skype.....how pleasure

Both sons out, husband to pick-up her friend, and she decided..........call M.

How pleasure, how good to see this beautiful face again, her smile, her teeth.

6 weeks and 2 days to go and we will see eachother. I cannot wait, but I must to wait. Maybe next week on monday, maybe just maybe........

Energy now again for another week............

Oi, Oi, Oi, Oi, the days is a succes already.

Bye my love, enjoy your trip to....... and buy nice things........and think about me........I will think about you!!!

@темы: Love, Personal